The Letter H
by Blood Red Queen
Summary: He only wants to be human again... R/L friendship, and slash, but only if you squint. Oneshot


**Another one-shot from me. **

**I'm in my Red Dwarf phase ^.^. And children, a little Red Dwarf is good, a bit more Red Dwarf is healthy...even more and you are made of awesome XD!**

'Rimmer?'

Rimmer rolled his eyes and made his response as polite (yet sardonic) as he could.

'Yes Lister?, is there anything else you want before I cut your dreadlocks off with a nail clipper?'

Lister frowned but otherwise ignored the petty threat.

'Whatch'ya doin?' he asked in his thick Scouse accent.

'Nothing.' Rimmer replied sullenly as he stowed away the mirror beneath a heavy book entilted: 'HOW TO GET AHEAD IN SPACE TRAVEL WITHOUT FRYING YOUR TESTICLES ON THE RADAR.'

Lister drew on his cigarette, billowing acrid clouds of smoke into the sleeping quarters. Rimmer frowned and wagged a finger at his annoying bunkmate, feeling a rant about to come, Lister smirked.

'Lister, it's bad enough having your smegging body odour defile the air every second of the day without you making it worse with your smegging smoking!'

'Smeg off Rimmer, you can't smell it anyway.' came the reply.

'Not the point you slobbish, pathetically disgusting excuse for a human being. I _know_ I can't smell it. Kindly stop rubbing in the smegging fact I can't breath.'

Lister raised his eyebrows.

'What's the problem man? If it bothers you that much....'

'Oh don't spare my feeling Lister, I can't possibly ask you to give up your comfort.' snarled Rimmer sarcastically. Turning away from Lister he continued looking in the mirror.

'You turnin' inta Cat or summat? What's with the mirror?'

Rimmer didn't turn around. Why didn't the git smeg off and mind his own business? Why couldn't he let him wallow in self pity in peace?

Lister silently crept up behind the hologram and sneaked a glance at Rimmer's reflection...

Rimmer was applying make-up to the metallic 'H' on his forehead.

Lister couldn't help himself; he burst out laughing. Rimmer flared his nostrils and spun around to murder the smeghead.

'Go eat a Pot Noodle you Neanderthal!' He roared as Lister dodged his fists.

'Make-up?!' Lister snickered, 'You are turning into Cat! What do you need make-up for?'

'I-I..' Rimmer stammered, trying to hit any part of Lister he could reach. Lister was too quick for him and stole the foundation pallette from Rimmer's hand. This was the most interesting 'blackmail opportunity' ever. And he had a picture of a naked Peterson dancing to 'Grease Lightning'.

'Come on Beauty Queen out with it!'

'I DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE A FREAK ALRIGHT?!'

Lister stopped laughing. Rimmer had gone bright scarlet and his eyes were bright with tears.

'Wha'' asked Lister awkwardly.

'You heard me Dave Lister. I hate being dead, I _hate _being an optical illusion and I hate the fact I have a shiny letter of the alphabet fused to my face!'

Lister began to apologise, but Rimmer cut him off.

'But no, go ahead, laugh at me. My parents used to laugh at me, my brothers used to laugh at me and so did the bullies at school. I just wanted to be normal for once! Just a guy on the ship, not an electronic ghost......'

Rimmer looked at the ceiling, determined not to break down in front of Lister. No, not Lister, he held onto the knowledge that he was stronger and more superior to him, if he cried, it would discard the only thing he had...his last shred of dignity.

Lister shifted uncomfortably, he suddenly felt embarassed to have teased Rimmer like this. He hated the smeghead, that much was true, but he never felt that he could cause such pain in one moment.

'Sorry Rimmer.' He said.

'Don't be.' Rimmer dismissed, rubbing the make-up off the 'H'. 'I'm a freak, I'm used to it...I just wanted to look like you for a change.'

Rimmer turned and strode out the room, leaving Lister in the sleeping quarters.

Lister looked at the pallette, shamefaced. He never realised how much Rimmer felt an outsider.....

'I'm sorry Rimsy....' he whispered, tucking the pallette gently under the book with the mirror. Ultimately giving his friend the only way to feel normal again.

**Sorry it was so angsty, but, hey, angst is good yes?**


End file.
